Catching Up on Christmastime

I hope you had yourselves a Merry Christmas! We sure did. And somehow, I made it through the other side of Christmas without completely crashing. Oh, I got sick all right, and I got the first really gross cough I have had in years, but Santa came, my son loves his new toys, my husband and I actually have had time to spend together, and we had a lovely time with our family.

A blurry, but cute picture of Gabriel in his new Ikea chair (and wow, he loves it).
Thanks MomMom & Grandad!

So what now? Back to life. But it's starting to feel like a different life is unfolding for me lately. I think it has to do with the budding belly I have (and I might have been eating jolly the past weeks, but that bump is mostly baby, I promise).

Things just seem different to me. My purpose, I guess. I feel much more connected with being a mother than ever before. I feel like I CAN manage things. And it isn't that I didn't feel that way before-- I just think that somehow getting all our Christmas shopping done, stripping our cloth diapers of ammonia, cleaning, baking cookies, working, and being Mommy all at once made me feel good about myself. I mean, wow, I got a lot done in December.

Chocolate Crackle Cookies

Except blogging. Errr... sorry about that.

To follow, though, I want to say that I am feeling much more at peace with our decision to prepare for a natural birth. My husband bought me two books for Christmas (ones I wanted), which most natural birth Moms know (Birthing From Within and Hypnobirthing). They are excellent reads thus far, and they even came with a very sincere note from my husband that he is totally engaged in our preparation and pursuit of a natural birth. It was really touching to read his sincere commitment to something I want so badly. It made me realize this is something WE want, and I know that is going to be important.

Almost 19 Weeks along with our Gumdrop (#2)
Our "big" ultrasound is January 4th!

I guess where I am going with this is that pursuing a natural birth needing to be a team effort is much like the effort to go green. It has to be a team thing. You can't do it alone, and it's not always easy to make the choices you do. As this year closes, I realize we have so much more to do to be a greener household, but I feel exhilarated about making further changes (maybe taking on composting next Summer?!) rather than daunted because this is something we do as a family. And maybe that is what this Christmas has taught me. Making the journey of life as a family is a true gift.

I am lucky to have a beautiful, blossoming family.

(Review and Giveaway of The Best Homemade Baby Food On The Planet & a Review of Rockin Green Funk Rock coming later this week! Don't miss it!!)

My Snow Baby.

Gabe explored snowfall for the first time today. There was plenty of snow last winter, but he wasn't really able to comprehend it. This year, he is a curious little man.

Hi, snow!

Not At Peace with Separation

My son would like to be on the E*Trade commercials.

Or at least own a Blackberry.

I know my posting has really slowed down the past two months, and I am sorry for it, but things are seeming nonstop here in our little household. For one, I took on a 25 hour (4 almost full days) per week schedule to attack student loans, and second, we have a very curious toddler. I miss writing almost daily so much, but running around has really gotten in the way of it. I am going to try and pick up steam over the holidays, but we'll see! I do have a fun giveaway coming up-- a newly published book on homemade baby food. Yum!

In any case, things have really been full speed ahead. We're now 17 weeks along with our gumdrop (this is the nickname I have been calling the baby, though I don't think anyone else knows it), and I have been battling separation anxiety.

No, not my child's separation anxiety. Mine.

I feel so guilty for leaving him at childcare. And I know this is a working Mom's plight-- something that sort of will bother me in waves. But for some reason, the past few weeks have been brutal, and I am hormonal from the pregnancy anyway. I find myself crying on my way to work quite often, whether I am leaving him with my Mom on Mondays or at "school" on other days of the week.

Maybe it is that he is now so much more a little person than ever before, with clear preferences, pet peeves, varied physical abilities, and a clearly curious nature. And a strong-willed sense of self. (as in, he has a hard time listening to me say, "No.")

Either way, it has just been hard. I want so much to be with my baby, to be the one teaching him, feeding him, loving him. But at the same time I know that being a good Mommy to him right now is working. The bills can't pay themselves.

So that's where I am tonight... not really thinking about life as a green Momma, but just life as a Mom in general, wishing so badly I could spend more days like tomorrow (I don't work tomorrow!) with my son.

Little Saint Nick...

Tonight is December 5th, which in my family and many family's traditions, it is St. Nicholas Night. We, like many children in the Netherlands, Germany, and Belgium (we're not German to my knowledge, but who cares!) put our shoes out in the hallway in the hopes that St. Nick will leave us a little something. And this year, the tradition continued from my childhood to Gabriel's!

He put out his shoes in his stylish Santa in Space pajamas (compliments of his MomMom and Grandad)...



He had a nice evening looking at books and reading with his Mommy and Daddy...




And then St. Nick stopped by with exactly what every little boy and girls wants... an organic brown rice yogurt bar and banana! I smile because my little man really does find these things to be a treat.



Nom. Nom. Nom.

You can bet your bottom dollar...

Or can you? I was driving home tonight, and I heard an advertisement for a new food chain in my area. Bottom Dollar Food.

A rose by any other name would smell... better than that! I KNOW that times are rough, and I know families are struggling to feed their little ones more than ever, but with stores called Bottom Dollar Food coming out of the woodwork pretending to be saintly, consumers are bound to be fooled.

I wish I could hear advertisements on the radio explaining that WIC and senior citizen food programs can be applied toward fresh farmers market food-- and believe it or not, farm fresh food is not always the most expensive (Yes, free range meat is pricey, but string beans? pumpkins? These things go for a steal straight from the farm.)

So that's my little rant for the day. And sorry for ranting, actually-- that is not normally my style!

--

In other news, Gabe is now a full fledged toddler, and he enjoys getting into everything, and ignoring the word, "No." Hi, temper tantrums! I feel like the world of parenting is now just beginning for my husband and me. It's a wonderful challenge.

Oh, and Gabe also now sings "Lalala" if I ask him where his tongue is. It's adorable.

Our Quest for a Natural Birth with Baby #2

So we're out of the first trimester (Whew!), and I am finally starting to feel human again-- as in, food is not repulsive, I can cook and change diapers without gagging, and I do not fall asleep sitting up on our futon watching Gossip Girl (Yes, I watch Gossip Girl. It is my one guilty pleasure).

And now it's starting to really hit me-- we're actually having another baby. And let's focus on the verb there. HAVING. As in, there will be labor.

I had preterm labor with Gabriel, and I contracted for seven weeks before I was induced with our first little nugget. My husband and I had signed up for breathing and relaxation classes that were scheduled for while I was on bedrest. As in, we never went to them. And in all the fear of "I'm not ready to be a Mom of a preemie," etc., our plans for an epidural-free birth went out of the window.

And now I'm not scared. Of preterm labor anyway. If it comes again, I am not going to let it intimidate me from having the birth I want. And I will say that Gabriel's birth was beautiful-- I was very clear that I would only go with induction if I had extremely good odds of it working well (I was dilated to 3 cm before any pitocin, and Gabe was very low-- I had very good numbers in the "this will work well" column), and things took off once my water was broken. I had a vaginal birth, which was the most important thing to me in the world, and I am so glad for that.

What was awful? The epidural. I was stuck more than five times. Whatever the resident did to me made me feel like a metal straw was being stuck into my vertebrae over and over again. The head anesthesiologist of the hospital then came to patching things up, and things went uphill from there... but the mere thought of an epidural sends crampy aches through my lower spine. I just can't even imagine thinking about epidurals while in labor. I just want to labor.

Is that reason I want a natural birth? No. I want to experience natural birth because I feel strongly that I want to experience the full-natured embodiment of child birth. I want to birth a baby without drugs going into his or her little body. I want to be able to walk right away without nurses hovering at my sides. I want a lot of things.

And so now, we're figuring out how to do this. We have decided, and to some natural birth mothers this may seem odd, to remain in the care of our OB team. I really have enjoyed working with these doctors, and they are in full support of letting us go natural. They have agreed to allow us a low intervention experience at the hospital without the constant monitors and IVs (so long as there is no emergency). And I do think this practice roots for vaginal birth. And they did a few things that made me happy while in labor with Gabriel-- one of them being a massage of oil for my perineum while I pushed rather than an episiotomy.

But what now? How are we planning to cope with the pain? Will I be able to get the room with the tub at the hospital so that I can labor while in water? What about water birth? Lamaze? Bradley? Hire a doula? Can we do any of this without spending a bagillion dollars? Is anything natural covered by insurance? What?

These questions all seem awkward, because a lot of the classes and things are meant for first time parents. And I have already been in labor and been coached and pushed. My husband and mother were amazing. My husband was such a calm, loving, and encouraging presence, and my Mom was empowering-- she always let me know that the head was coming closer or that she could see more. They helped me along so well. So I know that as my husband undertakes the role of a hands-on labor coach (I'm thinking massages and the like), he will be amazing at it. We just need the details.

So here we are... looking for the details. Any suggestions on our quest for a natural birth, including books, etc., would be great!

Willkommen Bienvenue Welcome

Hi there! If you have hiked your way over to A Mom Writing from CNN's Living Green Series Recap page, I'm glad you did. I'll use this post as a little way to orient yourself on my blog so that you can find the information you would like.


If you are parents looking to green your home, feel free to read about my love affair with cloth diapers, recipes and experiences making homemade baby food (and food in general), our different going green efforts, and our experience doing Colin Beavan's (of No Impact Man) No Impact Week.

Fellow hikers? Take a look at our recent hikes with our baby.

And if you are a nursing Mommy, I have written plenty in the past year about breastfeeding, including my experience donating breast milk for preemies and infants in America and abroad-- places such as Haiti and Africa.

So welcome, and I hope you visit again! Right now a lot of my posts are focusing on our continuing green efforts and our second pregnancy. And this time, we are planning for a natural birth.

On the news...

So, we had a visit from CNN American Morning last week, and we were on CNN today about our eco-conscious parenting. Take a look at our family first hand (my last name is Bernard, by the way-- I didn't change my name, and I am a freelance writer so I like the correct one being out there).

Watch it here.

If you watch the clip, please know...

We said cloth diapering was EASY, Dave went on to say he loves using cloth (it's cheap and green), cloth does have less impact over disposables (hello, no landfills), AND we talked about lots of other things we do that are important, most specifically-- eating locally.