Catching Up on Christmastime

I hope you had yourselves a Merry Christmas! We sure did. And somehow, I made it through the other side of Christmas without completely crashing. Oh, I got sick all right, and I got the first really gross cough I have had in years, but Santa came, my son loves his new toys, my husband and I actually have had time to spend together, and we had a lovely time with our family.

A blurry, but cute picture of Gabriel in his new Ikea chair (and wow, he loves it).
Thanks MomMom & Grandad!

So what now? Back to life. But it's starting to feel like a different life is unfolding for me lately. I think it has to do with the budding belly I have (and I might have been eating jolly the past weeks, but that bump is mostly baby, I promise).

Things just seem different to me. My purpose, I guess. I feel much more connected with being a mother than ever before. I feel like I CAN manage things. And it isn't that I didn't feel that way before-- I just think that somehow getting all our Christmas shopping done, stripping our cloth diapers of ammonia, cleaning, baking cookies, working, and being Mommy all at once made me feel good about myself. I mean, wow, I got a lot done in December.

Chocolate Crackle Cookies

Except blogging. Errr... sorry about that.

To follow, though, I want to say that I am feeling much more at peace with our decision to prepare for a natural birth. My husband bought me two books for Christmas (ones I wanted), which most natural birth Moms know (Birthing From Within and Hypnobirthing). They are excellent reads thus far, and they even came with a very sincere note from my husband that he is totally engaged in our preparation and pursuit of a natural birth. It was really touching to read his sincere commitment to something I want so badly. It made me realize this is something WE want, and I know that is going to be important.

Almost 19 Weeks along with our Gumdrop (#2)
Our "big" ultrasound is January 4th!

I guess where I am going with this is that pursuing a natural birth needing to be a team effort is much like the effort to go green. It has to be a team thing. You can't do it alone, and it's not always easy to make the choices you do. As this year closes, I realize we have so much more to do to be a greener household, but I feel exhilarated about making further changes (maybe taking on composting next Summer?!) rather than daunted because this is something we do as a family. And maybe that is what this Christmas has taught me. Making the journey of life as a family is a true gift.

I am lucky to have a beautiful, blossoming family.

(Review and Giveaway of The Best Homemade Baby Food On The Planet & a Review of Rockin Green Funk Rock coming later this week! Don't miss it!!)

Not At Peace with Separation

My son would like to be on the E*Trade commercials.

Or at least own a Blackberry.

I know my posting has really slowed down the past two months, and I am sorry for it, but things are seeming nonstop here in our little household. For one, I took on a 25 hour (4 almost full days) per week schedule to attack student loans, and second, we have a very curious toddler. I miss writing almost daily so much, but running around has really gotten in the way of it. I am going to try and pick up steam over the holidays, but we'll see! I do have a fun giveaway coming up-- a newly published book on homemade baby food. Yum!

In any case, things have really been full speed ahead. We're now 17 weeks along with our gumdrop (this is the nickname I have been calling the baby, though I don't think anyone else knows it), and I have been battling separation anxiety.

No, not my child's separation anxiety. Mine.

I feel so guilty for leaving him at childcare. And I know this is a working Mom's plight-- something that sort of will bother me in waves. But for some reason, the past few weeks have been brutal, and I am hormonal from the pregnancy anyway. I find myself crying on my way to work quite often, whether I am leaving him with my Mom on Mondays or at "school" on other days of the week.

Maybe it is that he is now so much more a little person than ever before, with clear preferences, pet peeves, varied physical abilities, and a clearly curious nature. And a strong-willed sense of self. (as in, he has a hard time listening to me say, "No.")

Either way, it has just been hard. I want so much to be with my baby, to be the one teaching him, feeding him, loving him. But at the same time I know that being a good Mommy to him right now is working. The bills can't pay themselves.

So that's where I am tonight... not really thinking about life as a green Momma, but just life as a Mom in general, wishing so badly I could spend more days like tomorrow (I don't work tomorrow!) with my son.

Little Saint Nick...

Tonight is December 5th, which in my family and many family's traditions, it is St. Nicholas Night. We, like many children in the Netherlands, Germany, and Belgium (we're not German to my knowledge, but who cares!) put our shoes out in the hallway in the hopes that St. Nick will leave us a little something. And this year, the tradition continued from my childhood to Gabriel's!

He put out his shoes in his stylish Santa in Space pajamas (compliments of his MomMom and Grandad)...



He had a nice evening looking at books and reading with his Mommy and Daddy...




And then St. Nick stopped by with exactly what every little boy and girls wants... an organic brown rice yogurt bar and banana! I smile because my little man really does find these things to be a treat.



Nom. Nom. Nom.

On the news...

So, we had a visit from CNN American Morning last week, and we were on CNN today about our eco-conscious parenting. Take a look at our family first hand (my last name is Bernard, by the way-- I didn't change my name, and I am a freelance writer so I like the correct one being out there).

Watch it here.

If you watch the clip, please know...

We said cloth diapering was EASY, Dave went on to say he loves using cloth (it's cheap and green), cloth does have less impact over disposables (hello, no landfills), AND we talked about lots of other things we do that are important, most specifically-- eating locally.

A Walk in the Woods

We took Gabe out for a spin in his new wagon (thanks to his Mom-Mom and Grandad) on Sunday, and we explored the trails behind our condo. It was a beautiful afternoon, and Gabriel loves his wheels.

It really was a beautiful day for a walk in the woods.

Gabriel's Very Hungry Caterpillar Birthday Party

As of October 26th, we have a one-year-old in our home. And yesterday, we got to celebrate with family. We threw a Very Hungry Caterpillar Party, and it was really cute.




The cake was pumpkin with whipped cream icing. I covered the head (Gabe's "smash cake") with natural fruit roll-ups so we could peel them off as he destroyed it. I was dreading bright red icing being all over his everything.

I also made sugar cookies designed like the food the caterpillar ate through in the book. Hence, the sugar cookies all have holes in them! Yum.




Gabe didn't have any problems eating pumpkin cake... (it seemed like a more natural option, along side some fruit salad instead of the typical ice cream).

Turkey Lurkey.

Or rather, make that Turkeys.

Parading behind our condo almost every weekend morning.

We had an encounter a few weeks back when the gobbling was exceptionally loud. My husband pulled up our blinds, and sitting there on the pile of mulch which rises to the bottom of our bedroom window, was a huge turkey.

And when that fat turkey saw my husband, he pecked the window and ruffled its feathers. Annnnnd then my husband did some sort of battle cry so that the turkey sort of scuttled/flew away.

I never saw a turkey in South Jersey until the year 2009. I was born in New Jersey in 1985. Hmmm.... maybe I should have one of these true free range birds for Thanksgiving. (I'm kidding.)

What It Is.

Holy guacamole, it has been an insane ride since the end of September, and I am finally getting a chance to open up about it to you all. Let's be honest, I am finally just up to writing at all-- I have been fighting a level of tired I have never known --it's less than, but different from (in a very hard way) the exhaustion of the early days of parenthood and breastfeeding-- and it has made it hard to keep my eyes open at times.

I am learning that this is what being pregnant with a baby-turning-toddler is.

It's a fast road... really. Time has literally flown since we got our BFP. When I was pregnant with Gabriel, time crawled. I was not working full-time so I literally almost slept through my first trimester (apparently pregnancy makes me extremely tired), but the weeks went by so slowly for me.

And I guess it makes sense-- I was pregnant for the first time. Every little part of the experience, every office visit, every test, every page of the books, every entry on the online pregnancy boards... they were new to me. I was restless to show, restless to feel the baby move, restless to meet our little baby.

And this time? I'm chasing Gabriel around the house, rushing to work, making sure Gabe eats a healthy meal even if I don't cook dinner (let's be clear here- my morning sickness is wicked), and trying to keep our home in order. My husband has been amazing at helping more than ever, and he has been changing Gabe's poopie diapers whenever he can (I am gagging so badly from them, I don't even believe it. I never even blinked an eye when swishing a prefold caked in peanut butter poop until now.)

Honestly, this pregnancy, I would be happy for time to pass slowly, savoring my time carrying Gabriel and relishing the straight eight hours of sleep I can get every night.

But time is flying. And I am hoping I don't wake up tomorrow morning to find it's already May...

Letting the cat out of the bag...

We're on the road to two under two!

Now that I have told my employer, I can finally let the blogging on our pregnancy begin...!
As in, I have been dealing with weaning due to low supply, morning sickness, exhaustion with a newly walking little one, and gagging worse than I ever knew I could while cleaning dirty cloth diapers. Oh, and with a due date of May 27, 2011 and a plan to have a natural birth, we're nine weeks along right now. Ole'!

Musical Babies.

My husband and I met in college, on the dorm floor. As in, we were neighbors... on the music floor. Yes, Temple University has an entire floor devoted to its music and dance students. This is an overdramatic mess. But it's sort of fun, too... if you don't mind someone playing trumpet in the common room at 1 a.m. every few days.

In any case, my husband has both a performance and education degree in music, and I have a minor (I switched to journalism after 1.5 years of voice. Opera star? Seriously?). My point in this is really that with two musical parents, Gabriel is destined to be surrounded with... surround sound.

And he loves music. He dances on demand (Literally, we say, "Dance," and off he goes). He loves every little piece we have played for him, from classical to jazz to folk to plain old radio. It's wonderful, and we look forward to fostering his love of music wherever it takes him.

One little thing my husband discovered that is a real hit? The video below. There are quite a few of these videos on youtube-- classical pieces dissected by meticulous music theory students and illustrated with pain-staking detail. But the videos are musical in presentation, AND they keeps baby quite engaged. Something that our television does not do (oh how proud I am that my baby is not interested in television)! I love that it tantalizes Gabe's ears and eyes together.

So, check it out~ it's fun for adults, too.

I'm so tired.

No, really. I am. Gabriel is about to start walking-- he went four full balanced steps after dinner tonight-- and all I want to do is nap. Somehow I think this mix is not a good one!

But what is good?
The nursery artwork pictured below. I made it for some friends who are decorating a frog nursery. Their shower was this past Saturday, and it was wonderful. I was quite excited to give them a bumgenius 4.0 as part of their gift. Wow, I'm a regular cloth-diapering nerd, ay?

ribbit. ribbit.

Searching for Afforable, Eco-Friendly Play Kitchen

Gabe will turn one at the end of October, which means he will turn two next October. For kids with birthdays at the tail end of the year near the holidays, it seems like it makes sense for birthday gifts and Santa's sleigh to give gifts of the future. As in, we're thinking Santa will bring a play kitchen to Gabriel because that way he can start by opening and closing the drawers, moving food from compartment to compartment, and by the time he hits two, he will be playing kitchen with me.

So here's my problem. We want Santa to bring an eco-friendly, nontoxic, wooden kitchen that isn't insanely expensive. I mean, it's a play kitchen, not a real kitchen.

And yes, I am looking now.

Any suggestions???

Teaching Gabriel to Love Animals.

I feel very responsible for how Gabriel will act toward nature as he grows. It might seem like overkill, but I am already teaching him about animals as we read books, walk outside, and play with his toys. More importantly, I am teaching him to love animals by petting them with him and explaining why each animal is special as we discover them together. Why not, right?

I tend to think simple things like telling him and showing him how to "be gentle with the dog," will go a long way because I have been showing him from an early age. I am not going to lie-- having a kid who treats animals harshly and roughly is a nightmare of mine. It would just break my heart.




Anyway, other than dogs, Gabriel particularly loves penguins. He kisses me, my husband, and his penguin quite often. (Yesterday my Mom (his MomMom) was talking to Gabe on the phone and she told him to "kiss Mommy," so he kissed the phone. So that makes four things in our home he has kissed. And I can add the word 'kiss' to the list of words he understands, while 'Mommy' is still not on it!) He particularly likes it if I make the penguin waddle across the floor to him while making honking noises.

In other news, Gabe is very into standing alone lately. Will he walk before he turns one? I can't wait to find out!!

Can someone please explain...

Why MUST Gabriel crawl into the kitchen?



I mean, really. He MUST do this. Almost as much as he MUST stick his hand in the VCR. These are apparently things he just has to do or else he will flail on the ground in perilous tears (oh, hi temper tantrums!).

But if he gets to crawl on that tile... well, he sure is happy.

I really cannot handle how much older he is starting to look.

A Beautiful Day.

The weather was amazing today. I hope you got out into the green and enjoyed what nature has to offer. Gabriel had a fun time just sitting in the grass.


P.S. Get ready for a Yoreganics review and giveaway starting Monday!!

The Little Chicken that Couldn't.

This is a vigil for our cage free roasted chicken that never finished roasting because the power went out for four hours yesterday evening, and we had to trash it due to sanitation reasons.

::Pouty face::
(I really am extremely bummed about this.)

--

Also, I have fun news! We're prepping for our Vermont vacation. Don't worry-- there's internet access up there so I am sure I will not be able to restrain myself from posting. In other words, you all will be on the road with us.

AND within the next month I'll be doing a review of a really cool book for teens on the not so earth-friendly state of things-- Get Real by Mara Rockliff-- and review/giveaway of Yoreganics laundry and lip balm. Yum.

Stay tuned!

I said I'd never own this.

That's right. I said I would never own a gigantic play yard. I thought it would be a huge monstrosity in the middle of our small condo living room.



But the fact is, we do have a small condo living room. So Gabriel kept trying to crawl out of the room to the litter box while I pumped. He kept attempting to pull up on chairs and topple them over on himself if I simply turned my head. And no matter what (as in, he literally crawls repeatedly out of his nursery, heads down the hall, and goes straight for this), he kept trying to stick his little fingers into the metal of our sliding glass doors.

And so, we now own a play yard.

Luckily, Gabe seems to think it's hilarious . . .

Don't you love that bright orange diaper? I do.

Considering Green Cleaning Supplies

I was talking about green cleaning supplies today when it was mentioned that 'the earth-friendly stuff' takes extra elbow grease and "never looks clean." Well, no, they don't leave things eerily white. And yes, they do take a little extra scrubbing. They do the job, though, and I much prefer my home to smell of nothing rather than chlorajawhateverscent is in most cleaning supplies.

And my baby (and your pets!) can lick the floor (gross), and I don't wonder if his eyes will turn into two mini x spots within two seconds of doing so.


No, your kids should not guzzle down your dish soap. But when you are using eco-friendly cleaners without toxic ingredients, you don't have to panic if they lick the floor after a scrubbing. Poison control does not need to be notified if they drink a little cleanser. Sure, per the directions, see a physician and drink water. But it isn't life and death.

And eco-friendly is about the earth, but it is also about a comfy, safe, family-friendly home.

What's better than that?

A Letter to High School Erin

I was just over at Baby Rabies and read Jill's letter to her 25-year-old self as part of the blog hop started by Joanna at Raising Madison. Well, I am 25 so my letter to my letter to former self is aimed at myself at a bit of a younger age. But here goes nothing.

Dear High School Erin,

Hi. It's me, your 25-year-old self. Yeah, maybe that's creepy, but it's not creepier than the fact you wrote yourself an anonymous note to yourself in your yearbook last year to laugh about at age 50. So enjoy this simple letter from a wiser, much more mature (sorry, Er, but you have a lot to learn) you.

First of all, stop wearing glitter on your eyelids, do not wear those khaki overalls ever again, and throw out the purple eyeliner.

Secondly, STOP worrying about whether you will get a lead in the spring show. In the long run, it really does not matter (though you will get a great part and get your spring musical solo, by the way...). Seriously though, what people think of you as a high school performer really will not determine anything that matters to you when you are my age. Stop raising your eyebrows at me. I'm telling the truth.

Now, let's deal with your love life.

Stop crying over that on again off again relationship with you-know-who. He is not worth it, and in the end, he will screw you over. It's going to be fine-- you are going to meet a tall, handsome, intelligent boy who IS worth all that and much more in college (just like Mom says), and you'll fall madly in love. He'll love you for the right reasons, and you'll actually have yourself a real man. No, he won't be a real man because he bangs on drums, loves legos, drinks chocolate milk, and knows every Philadelphia Phillies statistic (though he will do all of those things). He'll be a real man because he speaks the truth, makes you feel beautiful, holds you to your promises, dreams and lives out those dreams with you, treats you with true respect, and 'puts a ring on it,' (you'll get that reference later). It will not be a fairytale, but it will be a love story that your future (hopefully we'll have some) great great grandchildren will love to hear. I will leave most of that story for you to discover, but I will hint that you pay attention to your male neighbors on the dorm floor freshman year. One of them is "the one." Oh, and you'll keep your last name. You are "one of those girls."

All right, here's to your health.

I know your current biggest health problem is that you just fell down the D hall stairs last week and about 50 high school peers watched you plummet superman-style to a broken elbow. Sorry about the cast (and embarrassment), but you will laugh really hard about this injury later.

Let's get to it, though. You've never felt secure about your weight. But I have to warn you, the worst is yet to come. You are going to get depressed. You are going to gain weight. You are going to almost drop out of college. But you'll beat it. And let's just be honest-- you're never going to have an easy time getting below certain weight numbers, but the greener and healthier you eat and the more you hike and move, you'll get closer to the weight you dream of being.

You are going to be told you might never have children because of polycystic ovary syndrome. But never say never. Expect someone great. And I can't speak to what is beyond my time, but expect and hope for even more. (In other words, at 25, you'll be on the road toward trying for number two.)

Now, onto friends and family.

I'm going to be frank here. Things will get worse before they get better. You are a ball of emotions right now, and you are so confused that even I, your older self, have a hard time deciphering just why you have such a hard time keeping your feelings in check when talking to Mom. But here's the light at the end of the tunnel: things will get better eventually. So much better. Mom is your best friend. She will do anything for you, and she will be there when you are at your darkest and when you are at your brightest. And so will your Dad and sisters.

In time, you will see how lucky you are to have THIS family because the cold hard fact is that lots of people do not have parents or siblings on which to rely. And you have both.

Hug Grandmom and Uncle Tadd a little tighter than you did the last time you saw them. I know you can't know what it feels like to lose your second mother and second father figures, but you will. And it will hurt. It will never stop hurting, but you will always carry them with you. They will inspire you to do challenging things, change your mind even when it is hardest, and cherish the most special moments of life in a way you didn't know you could.

And as for your future career...

Ha! Well, this is still a work in progress. You are a talented singer, but 'opera singer' is not a valid career for you. Neither is teaching. You are a writer, but that's a hard act in the 2000s. Keep writing, though-- it will lead you places.

We'll see where we go from here. Remember how your 6th grade Language Arts teacher said the most interesting people in the world do not know what they want to be even at the age of 40? Well, at this rate, that might be you. So enjoy the ride, girl.

--

And lastly, please, Erin. Know you are so beautiful. Your body is possibly the best it will ever be RIGHT now so be confident. And yes, your eyes are as pretty and green as you think they are. You're also as smart as you think you are, so don't do anything I wouldn't do!


Love,
Erin Cecilia
Your 25-year-old self.

P.S. Start paying attention to the fact you work at a Whole Foods! Going green, eating organic, using cloth diapers, and all that comes with that is going to be very familiar to you sooner or later.

P.P.S. Yes, you will live in NYC. Just for a year. But you will do it. So relax, you'll get there.

Chlorine Free at the Moment We Wish to Be.

First of all, today is my birthday. So happy year 25 to me! I'm not a big birthday person so we didn't do much today, but it was great spending quality time with my boys. What else does a wife/Mom really need anyway?

Secondly, this was a weekend involving chlorine issues. As in, Gabriel went swimming for the first time...



We did use a FuzziBunz without the insert as his cloth swim diaper, and it worked just fine. He was not into the pool. I didn't really expect him to be because he isn't really excited by baths, either.








The other chlorine issue was our switch from regular old disposables to chlorine free disposables (we only use 'sposies when Gabriel is with his babysitter, and I always leave him in cloth so we use about 4 disposables per week). As a cloth diaper family, we might surprise you that we were using typical name brand "natural" diapers, but we were. And today we bought a pack of Seventh Generation chlorine free diapers. As far as disposables go, I really like them.


Gabriel wore one this afternoon (and you can see him in the process of pulling himself up to standing-- he is really on the move trying to cruise now) so I could sort of scout it out before we sent him off to the races with them. It worked just fine, it absorbs with all natural wood pulp, and it doesn't nauseate me with perfumes. Less chemicals = happier me. So that's all good.


And that was pretty much our weekend. I hope you all had some fun in the sun with or without chlorine, too!