Note to self:

Do not eat chocolate chip granola bars while nursing baby.

Doing so may result in. . . chocolate chips leaving a stain on baby's skin, creating the appearance of a bruise. This mistaken contusion will freak Mommy out, making her wonder how baby got a bruise-- "baby is treated like gold; any bruise would be a result of something mysteriously medical. This must be bad." Mommy will start to breathe quickly worrying about baby's medical issue.

And then she will gently touch this bruise and realize it partly stains her hand. She will smell this stain and realize it smells particularly yummy. Further examining the situation, Mommy will see a chocolate chip plastered to baby's sleeper and breathe a sigh of release, smile, and murmur a small "Are you kidding me?" at the possibly-ruined baby garb.

Mommy FAIL.

And the mother of a son is christened...

Gabriel is now just over a week old, and I am the point where I cannot believe it has been a whole week, but I also cannot believe it has only been a week, too. During this lovely week in which plenty of learning has happened, there was a particular moment yesterday which truly made me feel like I have been christened into mommyhood, specifically of a son. It made me laugh so hard as it happened, though the laughter did not really help with damage control!

Yes, I opened the diaper and he pee'd, on me, on the changing table, on his clothes... but he ALSO simultaneously shot poop everywhere...
AND he somehow landed his hand on the little gauze pad with vaseline ready to be placed on his very-fast and beautifully healing circ...
the gauze pad of vaseline stuck to his hand is being waved in the air like a flag as I grab another diaper as armor to protect, well, everything in the nursery...
And then the gauze pad has suddenly landed.
ON HIS HEAD.

Needless to say, Gabriel had a bath last night.