Birth Art for Baby Girl

Well, hi! It's been a little while-- things as always have been quite busy.

But I have such exciting news! I have switched to a midwife for the remainder of this pregnancy and birth of our baby GIRL. Cheers! We are feeling very blessed to have our second on the way, and we think it is very special that we will have one boy and one girl in our little, growing family.

And our midwife is amazing. She is unlike any other medical professional I have ever met... in such a good way. She sat with us, talked with us, listened to us-- as a couple, as birth partners, as husband and wife, not as 'patient and spouse.' And her answers were never condescending. She didn't roll her eyes at things we said that seemed off (I have no idea if she thought anything we said was weird, which is quite a difference from one particularly rude doctor we encountered at my old OB practice-- that OB rolled her eyes when I acted concerned about being strapped to a bed while laboring naturally, and she flat out laughed while I asked about natural birth classes saying she had never even heard of Bradley. She was joking, right?).

Our new midwife is encouraging and positive-- she didn't focus on what COULD happen negatively, but how to go about making the birth of our daughter a positive experience. And she encouraged both my husband and myself to explore birth art (after she mentioned that we should read Birthing from Within and I said I read it in three days). I might not be an artiste, but I explored art as a student and considered a college career in art so using birth art to explore our feelings about labor is actually quite exciting to me. My husband is having a hard time embracing it because he thinks he can't do it, but he, despite his initial snickers at the thought of birth art way back when, is being supportive, open, and very curious about my use of birth art.

Above is my first piece of birth art done in crayon.
I am laboring in water, supported by my husband. I am warm colors because my body is using and producing strong energy while my husband is in cool colors to keep things calm. There is a tree budding around us because we feel connected to nature, but it also represents our growing family tree. The heart represents our son, Gabriel. The abstract sphere emerging into the tree trunk is our daughter. Around my crayon sketch I have written some phrases that speak to me about birth (some of the phrases are very hypnobirthy).

And then there's waterbirth. Something I never had really considered and then I saw a video. It was so peaceful. Everything was so calm and gentle for both Mom and baby. I read about the benefits-- such as reduced risk of tearing, natural pain coping techniques, and a soft transition for the baby leaving the womb. I read about the risks... which are honestly very low when waterbirth is practiced safely. With my midwife, the baby's numbers need to look great for me to get in or stay in the tub for pushing. And if everything looks good, waterbirth is something we are strongly considering.

What's great about my midwife is that she has done a lot of waterbirths. She is actually on babycenter.com's waterbirth video. And the hospital where I am delivering is waterbirth friendly with a tub equipped for birth in one of the suites.

So we're excited, we're curious, we're a little nervous, but above all, we are now at peace because we have taken the experience in the birth of our daughter into our hands and made it something for us to experience as a family. It's no longer about the medical stuff-- that stuff is important, and our baby's safety and health is our number one priority-- but we are not looking at birth in terms of "going to the doctor" anymore.

And that, is birth art in itself.

Our Quest for a Natural Birth with Baby #2

So we're out of the first trimester (Whew!), and I am finally starting to feel human again-- as in, food is not repulsive, I can cook and change diapers without gagging, and I do not fall asleep sitting up on our futon watching Gossip Girl (Yes, I watch Gossip Girl. It is my one guilty pleasure).

And now it's starting to really hit me-- we're actually having another baby. And let's focus on the verb there. HAVING. As in, there will be labor.

I had preterm labor with Gabriel, and I contracted for seven weeks before I was induced with our first little nugget. My husband and I had signed up for breathing and relaxation classes that were scheduled for while I was on bedrest. As in, we never went to them. And in all the fear of "I'm not ready to be a Mom of a preemie," etc., our plans for an epidural-free birth went out of the window.

And now I'm not scared. Of preterm labor anyway. If it comes again, I am not going to let it intimidate me from having the birth I want. And I will say that Gabriel's birth was beautiful-- I was very clear that I would only go with induction if I had extremely good odds of it working well (I was dilated to 3 cm before any pitocin, and Gabe was very low-- I had very good numbers in the "this will work well" column), and things took off once my water was broken. I had a vaginal birth, which was the most important thing to me in the world, and I am so glad for that.

What was awful? The epidural. I was stuck more than five times. Whatever the resident did to me made me feel like a metal straw was being stuck into my vertebrae over and over again. The head anesthesiologist of the hospital then came to patching things up, and things went uphill from there... but the mere thought of an epidural sends crampy aches through my lower spine. I just can't even imagine thinking about epidurals while in labor. I just want to labor.

Is that reason I want a natural birth? No. I want to experience natural birth because I feel strongly that I want to experience the full-natured embodiment of child birth. I want to birth a baby without drugs going into his or her little body. I want to be able to walk right away without nurses hovering at my sides. I want a lot of things.

And so now, we're figuring out how to do this. We have decided, and to some natural birth mothers this may seem odd, to remain in the care of our OB team. I really have enjoyed working with these doctors, and they are in full support of letting us go natural. They have agreed to allow us a low intervention experience at the hospital without the constant monitors and IVs (so long as there is no emergency). And I do think this practice roots for vaginal birth. And they did a few things that made me happy while in labor with Gabriel-- one of them being a massage of oil for my perineum while I pushed rather than an episiotomy.

But what now? How are we planning to cope with the pain? Will I be able to get the room with the tub at the hospital so that I can labor while in water? What about water birth? Lamaze? Bradley? Hire a doula? Can we do any of this without spending a bagillion dollars? Is anything natural covered by insurance? What?

These questions all seem awkward, because a lot of the classes and things are meant for first time parents. And I have already been in labor and been coached and pushed. My husband and mother were amazing. My husband was such a calm, loving, and encouraging presence, and my Mom was empowering-- she always let me know that the head was coming closer or that she could see more. They helped me along so well. So I know that as my husband undertakes the role of a hands-on labor coach (I'm thinking massages and the like), he will be amazing at it. We just need the details.

So here we are... looking for the details. Any suggestions on our quest for a natural birth, including books, etc., would be great!

The Personality of Green

I've been wondering lately... Am I going green because I love the environment or because it's just my personality? And don't take that the wrong way, because of course I love the environment.

But then I think about the fact that generally I do not wear make up anymore. I generally don't care we have a tiny, tiny television. I generally don't buy purses or shoes or things...

And even if my family was not "going green," I think we would do some of the same things. So does a green Mom get credit for doing green things that just come naturally to her? I've been wondering...

-

For awhile cloth diapers were new to us, then they became routine, and then as I dealt with serious morning sickness from September until now, I felt the temptation to use disposables again. Because every very dirty diaper turned into a gagging session. And not your average gagging session. I'll spare you most of the details, but tonight I literally barfed while cleaning Gabe's diaper.

And that's when I decided that at that moment, nothing about my personality wanted to be green. But I did it-- because I love the earth and because I love my son.

So is it love that drives my actions? I'll shrug again because I'm just not sure. But the cloth diapers will get washed, and I'll be willing to gag yet again. Oh, and let's hope my morning sickness ends asap.

What It Is.

Holy guacamole, it has been an insane ride since the end of September, and I am finally getting a chance to open up about it to you all. Let's be honest, I am finally just up to writing at all-- I have been fighting a level of tired I have never known --it's less than, but different from (in a very hard way) the exhaustion of the early days of parenthood and breastfeeding-- and it has made it hard to keep my eyes open at times.

I am learning that this is what being pregnant with a baby-turning-toddler is.

It's a fast road... really. Time has literally flown since we got our BFP. When I was pregnant with Gabriel, time crawled. I was not working full-time so I literally almost slept through my first trimester (apparently pregnancy makes me extremely tired), but the weeks went by so slowly for me.

And I guess it makes sense-- I was pregnant for the first time. Every little part of the experience, every office visit, every test, every page of the books, every entry on the online pregnancy boards... they were new to me. I was restless to show, restless to feel the baby move, restless to meet our little baby.

And this time? I'm chasing Gabriel around the house, rushing to work, making sure Gabe eats a healthy meal even if I don't cook dinner (let's be clear here- my morning sickness is wicked), and trying to keep our home in order. My husband has been amazing at helping more than ever, and he has been changing Gabe's poopie diapers whenever he can (I am gagging so badly from them, I don't even believe it. I never even blinked an eye when swishing a prefold caked in peanut butter poop until now.)

Honestly, this pregnancy, I would be happy for time to pass slowly, savoring my time carrying Gabriel and relishing the straight eight hours of sleep I can get every night.

But time is flying. And I am hoping I don't wake up tomorrow morning to find it's already May...

Letting the cat out of the bag...

We're on the road to two under two!

Now that I have told my employer, I can finally let the blogging on our pregnancy begin...!
As in, I have been dealing with weaning due to low supply, morning sickness, exhaustion with a newly walking little one, and gagging worse than I ever knew I could while cleaning dirty cloth diapers. Oh, and with a due date of May 27, 2011 and a plan to have a natural birth, we're nine weeks along right now. Ole'!

Mom Wars

The more you read around the internet and peruse chat forums, the more you find a scary thing that I'd like to call Mom Wars.

Sure, it might sound fun, but it doesn't come with an amazing soundtrack or Darth Vader.

It DOES come with some topics of heated debate. People get really mad at Moms who do not think and act as they do... and I definitely understand some of the heat. I am an opinionated person, but a lot of these topics have to do with parenting choices. And ya know, the fact that we have choices in raising our children is a good thing-- I think. I often may not agree with someone's parenting style, but is it my place to correct him or her? And of course, if a child is clearly in danger, yes I should say something, but if not, is it really my place? This is what I have been wondering tonight.

In case you were wondering, here are some of the lovely topics which get Mommies particularly mad (and yes I exaggerate slightly):

-Rear Facing v. Front Facing Car Seats for Babies Under 2
-Breast is best v. Bottle is better
-Vaccine v. Alternative Vaccine Schedule
-14 wk. NT scan v. No 14 wk. NT Scan
-Nursing while Pregnant v. Not Nursing While Pregnant
-High Fructose Corn Syrup is awesome v. High Fructose Corn Syrup is evil
-Baby Wearing is the best thing ever for you and baby v. Baby Wearing will kill everyone
-Back v. Belly Sleeping Under Age 1
-Spanking v. No Spanking
-Organic v. Conventional/Processed Food for Kids
-Stay At Home Moms have it the worst! v. No way! Working Moms have it the worst!

annnnnd a current reheated debate due to a new study released the other day:

Drinking (in moderation) while pregnant will make your kid a genius!
v.
You should be arrested if you drink while pregnant!

What do I think? (As if it matters!)
I'll never tell! But I didn't have a sip while I was pregnant with Gabe.
Never will I ever? I just don't know.
Really, I think all Moms need to just get along. Being a Mommy is hard enough!

Hot off the presses.

Have you heard? Yours truly has an article in the July/August issue of Pregnancy magazine. (No, I'm not pregnant.)













My piece is an article on hiking while pregnant, complete with some gear recommendations for staying comfy and safe in the woods with the bump.

Turn to page 41, and check it out!

BFFP a.k.a. The Emotional Roller Coaster

That's a Big, Fat, FAKE Positive, people. This experience was my hubbadub craziness about two weeks ago.

No, my husband and I weren't trying-- I was on the mini pill, & other than my two-day spotting post beginning the mini pill in December, I have not had my period yet due to breastfeeding. Yes, that's over a year without a period (but, ya know I gave birth in there).

So when I started to feel headache-y and crampy without any return of the aforementioned period, I figured it would only be responsible to take a pregnancy test.

And it was quite the shocker to see two blue lines appear on a CVS Early Result test (the line was light, but blue-- no shadow, no evaporation line). I shook my head, squinted my eyes, widened my eyes, closed my eyes, and literally scuffled out of the bathroom with my pants around my ankles. A nervous and meek "Um? Can you...?" was all I got out of my mouth.

Of course, this sent my husband into a fit of gentle denial:
"No," (scared, disturbed face at test) "I love you," (smile, arm wrap around me) "This isn't right," (eyes widen and squint, then he smiles) "But we can do this... I hope," and he went on and on Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde about the whole thing.

--Because we want two more children, but we have a six month old who is breastfed. My husband is halfway through his master's in higher ed, and once he has it, he'll be looking for career advancement that will demand time, etc. We live in a condo, not a home with a backyard.

In other words, we're headed in the right direction to have our second in the next three years, but the thought of moving again while very pregnant or with a newborn scares me. I also had preterm labor with Gabriel so we would need a game plan in case of bedrest at some point... these are things we'd like ironed out BEFORE a positive pregnancy test.--

But at that moment, the test was positive, and through the sense of too-soon terror, we both had an air of joy about us. Every baby is a blessing, and that is our truth.

And because of that joy growing and creeping through the seeming madness, my husband and I found ourselves let down after two more tests reading negative and a blood serum test confirming we were indeed not expecting.

Needless to say, the talk of number two has emerged, though we will NOT be trying for awhile yet. I think my point in all of this is to say fake positive pregnancy tests do exist. A line is not a line is not a line. Now I'll get preachy: Take care and always follow up with your doctor if you think you could be pregnant.

...I hope you never have to ride the BFFP roller coaster, and I hope we never do again, either.

Weighting it Out.

I'm down 50 pounds since Gabe was born, and I'm back to pre-pregnancy weight. I'm certainly not shaped the same, and I have a lot more weight to lose, but I am so, so happy.

Me: 1
Evil fatness issues: 0

--

And I lost it just in time for my Mom-Mom's legendary Easter Brunch, which is chock full of things that will gain me 20 pounds in 1 meal.

I'm bringing champagne cupcakes. Expect an Erin's Edibles post soon!
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I Hear Milk Donors are Hot Mamas.

***THIS IS A 200 Oz. CELEBRATION SERIES EVENT***

When I contacted Deidrea from Hot Mama Gowns about the 200 Oz. Series, she immediately tweeted about it. Can you ask for better support in le blog communite'? Not really! Then, when she told me that A Mom Writing readers would be privileged to an exclusive 15% discount coupon code during the 200 Oz. Series, I was even more impressed.
But what is a Hot Mama Gown, you ask? Only the most fashionable option for Mommies in labor, postpartum, or nursing. These organic, adjustable-sized gowns come in chic prints. And they were designed for nursing. Basically, these gowns are thee "hot mama alternative to the generic hospital gown."

So, lucky readers, to celebrate my 200 Oz. of milk hitting the trail asap, you get to enjoy this

...15% coupon code...

gotmilk

Valid during the entire series!
March 15-30, 2010

So, if you're pregnant, headed into labor (breathe!), or nursing, check out Hot Mama Gowns, and purchase yourself something swanky to wear while your baby has his or her first latte.

And please, please, please consider helping preemies in the United States, Haiti, Africa, etc. by donating your milk through the Human Milk Banking Association of North America (yes, Canadian Mommies, there are banks in Vancouver and Toronto!) That's what this event is all about.

Welcome, Josie Brooklyn/ Adios Internet Negativity.

At 1 lb. 6 oz., the 19th Duggar baby arrived via emergency c-section on December 10, 2009. She and her Mama and the rest of the Duggar fam are in my prayers. Read the story here and here.

What kills me when I read the story beyond being concerned that the little baby was born at a mere 25 weeks-- almost a medical marvel for surviving her birth alone-- is that people are so cruel. The comments under the story on People, Us Weekly, etc. are condemning of the Duggars. And hear me out-- I understand when people disagree with their lifestyle choices, but here's the thing: A woman and her baby are in serious medical trouble (pre-eclampsia for Michelle and preterm birth for Josie). Regardless of different life views and philosophies, shouldn't people be hoping these people recover and live happy lives?

Prayers are needed right now. Save the nastiness for another time.

Soapbox time done.

The 6 Week Wait...

is over! I'm cleared and free for all physical activity. So woot woot- I am on the mini-progesterone-only pill! Now... when this mini-pill actually is used as a means of protection is a whole other story seeing as A. I AM TERRIFIED OF HAVING SEX. and B. WE ARE STILL STAYING AT MY PARENTS due to the flooding in our condo until at least Friday.

The Mystical World of Membrane Sweeping and the Avoidance of Halloween

My 39 week appointment was on Monday of this week, and everything looks good- my belly is 39 cm., baby is moving, no protein in my urine, lost 1 1/2 pounds (which supposedly can be a sign that labor is coming), etc. I asked to have my membranes swept (or stripped, depending on what your OB calls it). I asked if the procedure usually works, and my doctor told me sometimes it does, sometimes it does not. Well, since I am 3-4 cm. dilated and 75% effaced, I thought it might just do the trick for me and send me into labor.

Well, first of all, the procedure, which is an internal exam in which your OB takes her finger and inserts into the cervix and sweeps it so as to disconnect the membranes connecting the cervix and gestational sac to release prostaglandins, is not pleasant. It is extremely uncomfortable. However, it does not last that long, and at the thought that I might have gone into labor from it, I was okay with the discomfort. (The only risk of this procedure is if your OB is not careful, she can snag your bag of waters, thus putting you "on the clock" and leaving you open to possible infection. There are really no other risks at all.)

So, what happened? I cramped, contracted, and could hardly move all afternoon. That evening I passed bloody mucus, and I thought maybe, just maybe, my water would break. Nope, no water breaking. Nope, no labor. Nope, nope, nope.

I have to say, though, that I have read lots of accounts of this procedure working, so do not take my story as the end all- be all of what happens if you get your membranes swept. I would do it again in another pregnancy with the hopes it could get things moving without a regular old induction.

So I'm still just hanging around, a full 39 weeks pregnant in my 40th week, wishing and hoping for things to get moving. If nothing happens by Monday, I have my 40 week appointment, and I will be having my induction scheduled. My OB practice does not let women go past 41 weeks, and since I am "favorable" with my current ripeness, effacement, dilatation, station, and position, I should be able to have mine at point from now onward. My husband and I are thinking we would like to schedule for little one's due date (the 28th) or the day after (the 29th) so as to avoid Halloween at all costs.

Avoiding Halloween? How dumb, I know. But here's the rub-- little kids LOVE Halloween. They love it so much, they have parties at school, and they trick-or-treat their little ghoulish hearts out... so frankly, I know my child's birthday will become indefinitely overshadowed by the boo-riffic holiday of Halloween if born on that day. I would like to avoid this. A birthday near Halloween is very cool... late October birthdays afford smashing Halloween-themed parties, and upon the ripe age of 21, an opportunity to celebrate ala Oktoberfest. So anyway, yes, I am being a nerd and absolutely unnatural if I reach my due date for the sake of keeping my son from having his birthday on Halloween. Judge if you like, but I think it makes sense enough, especially since my body is sitting on the verge of labor with a very likely successful induction in store.

The Pregnancy Story (up until now...)

My husband and I were married in May 2008. I was told in college I had polycystic ovary syndrome and that it would be hard for me to get pregnant. While in school and before we got married, I lost around 50 pounds to make myself as healthy as possible. I was not as slim as possible, but the weight loss and healthier, more active lifestyle did improve my numbers. When my husband and I decided to prepare for trying to conceive, my doctor at the time suggested going off of birth control to see if my period could regulate itself without any medication. I went off of birth control, and my cycle was regular for three months. My husband and I were extremely careful while I was off of the pill for the first two months, but in the third we must not have been quite as careful because we conceived. We were not even really trying yet.

We found out and were overjoyed we were pregnant in late February 2009, and my due date was noted as October 28, 2009. The pregnancy was "normal" with the morning sickness and nausea that comes with the first trimester and the effortless weight gain and unwanted stretch marks of the second trimester. At our 21-week ultrasound, we were told we were expecting a boy, and we were so excited to hear that (we would have been happy to hear boy or girl)! We also were told that the placenta was low-lying at approximately 3 centimeters from my cervix, and if it did not move, the doctor recommended a C-section. I was put on pelvic rest (i.e. no sex in the champagne room) until a follow-up ultrasound could be done in the third trimester.

We moved from NYC to South Jersey in June. From that point onward, I was not actively working. We relocated mid-pregnancy because my husband had a great job offer closer to our family, and the cost of living would go way down from NYC. I switched to a new set of doctors in our new location. I was told by this practice that with the placenta 3 cm. away from my cervix, I actually could have a vaginal birth. The location of the placenta still worried me so I was scheduled for an ultrasound at 34 weeks.

At 33 weeks, we experienced one of the scariest nights of my life when we went into preterm labor. The day leading up to that evening I felt very off, I had extreme leg cramps, and I was exhausted. I took a nap in the late afternoon. When I woke up and went to the bathroom, there was the smallest spot of pink on the bathroom tissue. I was not concerned, but I called my doctor anyway just to be safe. She told me to come into labor and delivery as the OB office was closing for the day. She wanted to see "if I had an infection." When my husband and I got there, they hooked me up to monitors to find I was having contractions. They then checked my cervix, and I was told I was 3 centimeters dilated and 50% effaced. I was put on antibiotics, a fluid IV, and procardia (a smooth muscle relaxant). My fetal fibronectin test, which predicts the presence of a substance in your vagina that indicates the likelihood of labor within two weeks, was positive, and the doctors gave me the first round of steroid shots for baby's lungs over 24 hours. (It is important to note that a positive fFN is not indicative of imminent labor. Doctors look more for a negative result to be reassuring than for a positive result to be damning.) I was taken off of procardia after 24 hours because I had a strong reaction to it. The contractions slowed, but never stopped, yet my cervix did not change from the time I was admitted. No cause for preterm labor was found. I was sent home after 2 nights in the hospital on strict bedrest until 35-36 weeks.

At 34 weeks, we had our follow-up ultrasound, and we learned the placenta was way out of the way. We were also told our baby was growing right as he should, that his head was not too big (which is good for Mom), our fluid levels were excellent, and that the baby was practicing breathing while on the screen. This ultrasound put me at ease and excited me because I wanted a vaginal birth more than anything. Not only did I want the experience of a vaginal birth, but surgery terrifies me.

At 36 weeks, I was again permitted to live life as ever before, which I was quite happy to do. Bedrest is an extreme mental and emotional challenge. At my 38 week appointment this past Monday, I was told I was now 4 cm. dilated and 75% effaced. Most of the doctors and most of my family members, especially the women, cannot believe I am so dilated and thin with my first child and not in labor. I am contracting all of the time, and my husband and I are hoping our little son comes this weekend. If not, my doctor told me I can have my membranes stripped at Monday's (39 weeks) appointment and that I will be allowed to have elective induction around my due date due to my cervix being extremely favorable.

So now, we wait! And I must say, waiting is simply maddening. I am not the most patient person in the world, and it is very difficult to wonder when our baby is coming. Oh, and while I am at it, I will mention I have a mild case of PUPPPs, the mind-boggling and itchtastic skin reaction to stretch marks and late pregnancy hormones. I have had little blisters in my stretch marks, arms, and legs that are truly beyond tolerable. Luckily, hydro-cortisone cream and Benadryl are both safe to use for PUPPPs, and I have used them for relief. My rash is slowly healing, but the only true 'cure' for it is to have baby. So come along, baby, and let the real adventure begin!